I can't believe it has already been 6 months. Jeffery really has come a long way since he first walked through our door. He came in with a bottle of sweet tea and smelling like a pack of Marboros. He wasn't malnourished but I suspect that his diet consisted of mostly sugar and caffiene. I remember the crazed look on his face when he saw a coke can as if he was a zombie and a plate of brains just dropped in front of him. The first week he was there he would actually go to the fridge and open it and try to get food out. The poor kid probably was used to having to get his own food.....at 18 months....No kid should have to be like that. I can't imagine what little Jeffery saw in his actual home. His parents have an illness, they are hooked on drugs and I won't pretend to understand what that's like. I have never tried a drug or even had a desire to. I attribute that to having a good family and good friends. A support group that Jeffery's family probably didn't have. I imagine at some point Jeffery has handled some drug related items in his parents house. Those types of things run through my mind constantly, especially realizing that we may have to give him back. That is what makes Fostering so hard.
Jeffery has really excelled in the last 6 months. His communication skills have improved dramatically. He is a little behind with his speech but his comprehension and motor skills seem to be where they should be. He has been able to attend a pre school 3 days a week and I think that has really benefitted him. He gets up in the morning and immediately understands that he is going to school. He pulls his little suitcase behind him oncthe way to the car. I really can't explain how cute this kid is.....I know everybody thinks their kid is cute but my god we got so lucky. Robin uses Jeffery as a little Ken doll. She comes home every day with a new outfit for him.....An example of this is that the kid has 3....yes I said 3 Halloween costumes.....Batman, Frankenstein, and a huge lizard....to say the kid is spoiled would be an understatement.
The experience so far has had a lot of ups and downs. Going straight into the terrible twos has been a challegnge. He does have some extreme raging fits....because this is our first child it is hard to tell if they are normal fits or it's associated with maybe some issues he is dealing with. Either way we manage them. The first couple of weeks the screaming is intimidating but after a while it becomes secondary noise. Boy does he have a pair of lungs on him. He had issues with his eyes when we first got him. He hadcbeen taken to Children's Hospital with his birth parents but they never followed up for him. We immediately took him there and scheduled a surgery. Surgery day was extremely stressful. A small child having surgery is scary enough but to have to spend 4 hours with the birth parents....that was painful. I can't decide if they are really concerned about Jeffery o just putting on an act. They sat in the waiting room loudly discussing their drug and personal problems....it was quite embarrassing. I remember thinking to myself "how can you continue to act like fools when you have such a wonderful child?". Jeffery got through the surgery without a hitch and has since got a pair of glasses. He looks like the little kid from Jerry Maguire. If there is one thing that Robin and I have accomplished with him is that he has his eyes fixed.
The most frustrating thing by far is dealing with the birth parents. At first I was under the mindset of giving his parents the benefit of the doubt and hope that they can get their lives together. They really seemed to be doing well but things quickly changed. I don't know if this is consistent with most drug users but they take no accountability. They blame everyone but themselves. They think that we will actually buy their bullshit. The mother probably weighs 85 lbs and she tries to convince you that she is not using. They constantly miss visitations with Jeffery that totally infuriates me. You say you want your child but then you miss half your opportunities to see him. The best thing is they wait to the last minute to cancel...so we are already there waiting. When they do come they bring pop guns and sugar filled candy for Jeffery. We recently learned that during their random drug tests that they may be actually filling up a pee filled balloon and hiding it within the female anatomy and popping it with her fingernail just to manipulate the test. That is where they no longer get the benefit of the doubt. Now it's US VS THEM. The Ultimate goal that the foster care system promotes is of "reunification"..... I was on board at first but I will be damned if we are going to just hand this kid over to these people without a fight. We will adopt Jeffery if the opportunity presents itself...there is little doubt about that...but we are now a lot more interested in finding out if the birth parents are just trying to play the system.
No matter what happens now, Jeffery is our SON....We are in it for the long haul. My wife has been amazing with him. She is definitely his biggest advocate. I am very proud of her. Being a parent is very difficult and even more difficult when you are constantly worrying if he will leave soon. There are so many children that need foster parents. I wish more people would do it. These kids can't help themselves and need good role models even if it's for a little bit of time. It can be stressful sometime but I wouldn't change anything. Jeffery is now a part of our family. He now has grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles that love him and will always be there for him.
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